What Do You Want?
by that1persona
Summary: Set after BIOTA & follows the original storyline up to that point. Finn & Rachel are hurting deeply & they use PDMs- Public Displays of Musicality- to convey their feelings. What Do You Want by Jerrod Niemann starts the series of events. Enjoy!
1. Ch 1: The Song

A/N: I don't own Glee, any of its characters, or the song, _What Do You Want_. No copyright infringement intended- it's purely for fun. Enjoy :)

* * *

"All right guys. After last week's performance at the pep rally, I know that you guys can perform. Despite your antics," Will Schuester stated as he lowered his head and glared at the students. Most of them ignored his gaze in embarrassment. He knew they were good enough kids, despite their recent experimentation with alcohol. He finished, "Now I need to see you guys really _connect_ to what you're singing. To feel it in the depths of your soul and to be brave enough to expose those emotions to your audience. It's going to take both in order to get to Nationals."

He looked around the room, waiting for the interruption from Rachel that seemed to always come. He was astonished when it didn't. Instead, she was staring longingly at Finn from her seat next to Mercedes. Finn sat in the front row next to Artie, looking as if his mind were anywhere but there with them in the choir room. He had dark circles under his eyes and was pale, as if he hadn't slept well for at least a few days. Mr. Schuester had begun to wonder if Finn had violated the pledge he'd made the glee club sign a few days before when Finn ended the silence and his staring contest with the wall.

"Mr. Schue, can I do a song? I've been working on it for a little while."

The teacher was a bit surprised, as the tall, dark haired teen usually didn't volunteer to perform, especially first. He saw the hollowness in the boys eyes as he gave him the go ahead. Finn walked over to the piano, whispered something into the teacher assistant's ear, and circled to face the rest of the club. He took a deep breath as he began to sing.

_Why'd you call me today with nothing new to say?  
__You pretend it's just hello, but you know what it does to me to see your number on the phone._

_Oh great_, he thought. He'd barely begun to sing and he could already feel his guts wrenching inside of him. Rachel had been trying desperately to make things right with him after she'd made out with Puck. He knew that she was sorry, but he couldn't bring himself to forgive her fully. She _knew_ about his past. She knew that trust had always been a big issue with him and that he'd been hurt before. Hell, he'd thought he was a _father_ before, just to find out later on that it was all a lie. He'd been allowed to suffer while Quinn and Puck knew the truth all along. They allowed him to bear the brunt of the bullying and the stares and the worry and the sleepless nights when they'd known and hadn't told him. Rachel was the one who helped him through that rough time. He was just beginning to get back on speaking terms with both of them when Santana had to tell Rachel about what happened between them in that hotel room. He'd known it was a mistake the minute it was over, but what could he do? It's not like he could go back in time and change it … Lord knows he would if he could. But what could he do? At the time she was with Jesse St. Jackass and he'd been overwhelmed by jealousy. He was willing to do anything in order to get her attention, including Santana. But this was different. He and Rachel were together when she and Puck made out. And she didn't only make out with someone .. She made out with _him_. The one guy who had a hand in all the hurt he'd experienced before. When she wanted to hurt him, she knew just which knife to use to cut the deepest.

_Now tell me, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want from me?  
__Are you tryin' to bring back the tears or just the memories?  
__You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been.  
__When we hang up it's almost like I'm losing you again  
__Can't you see? So what do you want, what do you want from me?_

She'd worn him ragged over winter break trying to apologize. Each time that he'd thought that she'd give him some time and space, she'd call or text with yet another apology. The first night that he'd been able to not cry himself asleep, he'd only been awaken by his phone alarming with _her _ring tone. He would ignore it, but she would call incessantly until he picked up. That night she told him that she wasn't trying to apologize … she just wanted to hear his voice. He wouldn't admit it, but he felt the same way about her. Finn always smiled when he thought back to their summer under the stars. Her hug the other day felt so good … so familiar. He knew he was ripping open the scars that were just starting to heal, but he couldn't help it. He loved her, but his heart couldn't bear to be with her again. Not yet, anyway. He felt the tears begin to well up in his eyes.

_I get so tired of living like this.  
__I don't have the time, neither do my friends,  
__To stay up at night, to pull me through,  
__And to find the things to keep my mind off of you_.

Since the break up his days had become monotonous. After practice, he would come home to the silence of his room. He'd been able to form a solid friendship with Artie, who was always willing to play Call of Duty with him to keep his mind preoccupied. Some nights when he had cried himself to sleep, Kurt would come in and try to talk to him. Though he wouldn't always confide in Kurt, other times he would let everything out as his new brother just sat there and absorbed all of the hurt and pain that Finn tried to release. Once Finn was able to pull himself together, they would often go upstairs to watch old late-night sitcoms and go back to bed before their parents awoke. He finally mustered up the courage to look at Rachel as he sang.

_So, now tell me, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want from me?  
__Did you call to say you've found someone and I'm a used- to- be  
__You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been.  
__If you've moved on why does it feel like I'm losing you again?  
__Can't you see? So what do you want? What do you want from me?_

_What do you want me to say?That I'm content? That I'm on the fence? That I wish you would've stayed?_

He saw that she was almost in tears as he thought back to the day in the nurse's office when she'd comforted him while he was sick. She'd asked him about how he felt when she kissed him… but how do you put so many emotions into a comprehensive sentence? Especially when your head felt three times its normal size? When he hadn't been able to aptly tell her in the amount of time that she'd given him, she walked out of the room. He knew he had to tell her how he felt at some point, but he didn't know how. In the short time since then, he'd seen her grow more confident in herself and she appeared to be happy. He didn't want to mess that up. After all, it wouldn't be long until they would graduate and leave for college. He knew in his heart of hearts that she would probably go to NYU or some school in New York while he went to Ohio State. _They would be separated soon enough … why go through the heartache of losing her twice?_ He knew that she needed to be strong for the life that she had always dreamed of. He wasn't going to hold her back.

_Oh baby what do you want, what do you want, what do you want from me?  
__To come here and make love tonight cause you're feelin' lonely.  
__You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been.  
__When __we wake up and say goodbye it's like I'm losing you again.  
__Can't you see? So what do you want, what do you want from me?  
__What do you want, what do you want from me?_

He finished the song and felt a solitary tear fall down his right cheek. He quickly wiped it away as he looked at Rachel. She was looking everywhere but at him and he didn't have to ask why. Finn knew that she was just as much on the verge of breaking down as he was. She didn't say a word as she stood up and dashed out the door. He desperately wanted to follow her, but he didn't know what to say.

"Uh, Mr. Schue …" he looked at his teacher with desperation in his eyes as he pointed toward the door. He just nodded and turned toward the rest of the class as Finn darted out the door after her.


	2. Ch 2: Cannons

A/N: Finally, an actual update! Sorry about the fake updates ... I was trying to figure out how to add it, lol. It may be good that I didn't figure it out until now, as it allowed me to add to this chapter. As always, enjoy! :)

Also, as always, I own no part of Glee or the song mentioned here. (Wouldn't it be fun to, though?)

* * *

He found her in the auditorium. He knew she would be here … it was where she always went when she wanted to be by herself. She once told him it was where she did her best thinking, and while they were dating she often brought him here. It had made him feel special in a way … it was like she had invited him into a realm of her world that no one else knew but them. He was remembering the feeling of their first kiss when his thoughts were abruptly interrupted.

"What are you doing here? I thought for sure that there would be a request for an encore performance by your adoring fans," she said in a sharp tone. He knew that tone. She wasn't just mad, she was _pissed_. _Royally pissed._ Also, judging by the tears rolling down her cheeks and the redness in her eyes and cheeks, she was also royally and deeply hurt. He didn't say anything as he took the seat next to her in the back row of the auditorium. After what felt like an eternity of silence, she spoke up.

"Look, Finn. I understand that I can come across as overbearing and pushy at times … okay, most of the time. But I still have feelings like everyone else. And, to be frank, why did you choose that song? Granted, it was a beautiful mixture of style and emotion, but it also hurt. It's bad enough that we have to face each other in school and be estranged co-captains of Glee Club, but is it really necessary to make such a public display of the awkward push and pull that is our fragile relationship? Isn't it enough that I have to face everyday watching you walk past me without the all-to-familiar wink you used to give and receiving a slushie facial instead? Or feeling overwhelmingly uncomfortable when we're alone, even if it's just the two of us cleaning up after rehearsal? Our relationship may just be a faded memory to you, Finn Hudson, but I remember every detail. And, quite honestly, it sucks."

Finn sat there saying nothing as she let go of everything that she was feeling.

"Cannons," He finally said blankly. Rachel stared at him as if he'd lost his mind. He turned to look at her.

"You asked me in the nurse's office what it felt like when you kissed me. Cannons."

She looked at him with her brows furrowed, more confused than before.

"Think about it. When cannons fire, they make the ground shake. They set off this explosion that obliterates and knocks down anything in their path. And after it's over, you know that something big has happened, something you probably will never forget."

Rachel turned to stare at the floor dumbfounded. She was speechless. He took his hand and turned her face toward him. She shuddered. He was terrified as he swallowed the knot that was in his throat.

"That's how it felt when I kissed you, Rachel. The ground shook when I kissed you. Maybe not in real life, but I always felt like I would fall over. It's a feeling that I never felt before and doubt I will again. It's always been like that," he paused before continuing in a somber tone, "It always was like that. From our first kiss when we were on that stage to our last kiss in the tree lot."

She didn't know what to say. She knew what she wanted to do, but she couldn't let herself do that. She couldn't destroy all of the strength that she'd gained just so she could kiss him one more time, no matter how strongly she felt the urge.

Unbeknownst to Rachel, but Finn had to restrain himself just as much. He eyed her lips quivering, longing to kiss them as he had in the very beginning. He remembered how soft they were. He remembered the taste of her lip gloss. He remembered how it felt to hold her in his arms. He remembered …

He remembered that they weren't together anymore.

"Rach ..," he sighed as their lips inched closer together, so much so he could almost feel the heat from her lips, "… I- I can't do this."

He quickly turned his head away from hers. This made her livid.

"Do you know what I want, Finn Hudson? Do you really want to know?"

He knew better than to say anything, so he just sat there, bracing for the whirlwind that was about to come.

"I want to be able to go through one day without you consuming my every thought. I want one day where I don't have to worry about bringing an extra change of clothes in case I get a slushie to the face. I want one, just ONE glee rehearsal to go by without a smart remark from Santana, Quinn, or anyone else. I want someone, just ONE person to realize that I'm not the uptight bitch that everyone thinks I am … that I'm just, just the girl who wants so much for everyone else that I let it get in the way of everything else. Just for one person that I can trust and rely on without having to wonder if they'll leave when the next shiny new thing comes along and leaves me in the dust like … like … LIKE YOU DID!"

She stops and stares at him in near horror, realizing that she's now standing in front of him, yelling with a flood of tears flowing down her cheeks. She looks around the auditorium, shocked to see a handful of drama kids on stage staring at her as they put away the last couple of props from the production the weekend before. She stifled back a whimper as she grabbed her backpack and stormed out the door and away from Finn for the second time that day.

Finn slumped back in the seat, looking up at the ceiling as he ran his hands through his hair.

_Well, that went well_, he thought. Defeated, he sulked out of the auditorium.

* * *

_Everything will be okay in the end_, he told himself, _I hope_.

What Rachel had said to him that afternoon had cut him like a knife. He knew that she had been hurt by the breakup, but she'd seemed so strong through all of it. He hadn't thought about how his song would only add more to her feelings of inadequacy.

_Man, I'm such a jerk_, He thought to himself as he tossed the basketball into the air. Lying on his bed, he got lost in thought about his and Rachel's relationship, or lack thereof. He'd tried explaining to her how he felt. _That had went over well_, he continued in his mind. He looked over to his phone on the nightstand. He wanted to call her desperately and apologize for the way this afternoon had went. It hadn't gone at all the way he'd planned it. He may not have seen them getting back together after his song, but he had hoped that it would at least get them on better speaking terms. Maybe it was best, though, that it had worked out the way it had. He was still hurting and still couldn't bring himself to be with her. It wasn't that he didn't want to … he wanted them to be together more than anything. He just couldn't. No matter how bad he wanted to be with her, he was still hurting and he didn't want to go through the inevitable pain of losing her twice when they went to college. _It's best that it ends like this_, he kept telling himself, as if it would make him believe it.

"And now, an oldie but a goodie for all you lovebirds, Faithfully by Journey, on your number one classic rock station 104.7," the disc jockey announced. He got up and put his hand on the radio to turn it off. He stood there pensively for a moment, listening to the opening melody before crashing onto his bed, letting the song play and the tears fall.

* * *

Rachel was lying down on her bed when the words coming from the radio caught her attention.

"And now, an oldie but a goodie for all you lovebirds, Faithfully by Journey, on your number one classic rock station 104.7," the disc jockey announced.

_Really? Out of all of the songs on the radio, they had to play that one_, she thought as she sniffed and wiped her eyes. That had been their song … the first song they had sang after he'd … she couldn't bring herself to complete the thought.

A part of her had wanted to take back what she'd said to Finn that afternoon. She'd always done so well at keeping her emotions in check … what was it about that boy that made her come unglued? _It had to be said, though_, she thought as she tried to rationalize it to herself. But did it have to be said like that, with so much rage? They might've had a chance to talk it over if she hadn't overreacted. Cannons. He'd compared her kisses to _cannons_. Something you'd never forget? That had to mean something, right?

… _And lovin' a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be … _

She couldn't help but stare at the ceiling and sigh at the lyrics. It wasn't going to be easy, but she knew that there was more going on between Finn and herself than what was happening on the surface. She could just feel it. They had come too close to kissing… she could feel his lips quiver they were so close to hers. She felt the heat. She shuddered at the memory. Had he wanted to as much as she had? She didn't know. But they had dated … she -knew- that look that he'd had on his face. But if he'd wanted it so bad, then why didn't he?

…_And being apart ain't easy on this love affair_

_Two strangers learn to fall in love again…_

The lyrics seemed all to real to her in that moment. This really was their song … it was a bittersweet feeling. They were destined to be together. He'd told her that he loved her. She'd loved him since before they were dating. _Cannons_.

_Everything will be okay in the end_, she told herself, _I hope._


	3. Ch 3: Something You Miss

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update! This chapter was harder to write because I was looking for just the right song for Rachel to reply with. I didn't use _Get it Right_ because I don't see her having it perfect just yet, if even written. At any rate, enjoy!

As always, I own no part of Glee or the song used below.

* * *

He avoided her the next day at school. It wasn't that he didn't want to be around her … if anything he'd wanted to follow her to her house the night before. But what else could he say? Any chance that he'd had of making things better with Rachel had gone out the window when she had went all diva on him.

No, she didn't go diva. She just finally let go of what she'd been feeling for so long.

And the worst part about it was that she'd been right. He had treated her like crap and she didn't deserve half of what he'd put her through. _Hell, she didn't deserve any of it_, he thought. He had to make things right with her. But how? The thoughts consumed his mind all day. His heart stopped and jaw dropped when he walked into the choir room that afternoon when he saw Rachel.

_Holy hell_, he said to himself. It took Puck brushing against his shoulder to knock him out of his absent state of mind and he took his seat next to Artie, even though he couldn't keep his eyes off her.

She was leaning on against the piano looking over some sheet music. She was always gorgeous in his eyes, but today … well, he would be picturing her the rest of the day. For starters, she was in jeans, which she rarely wore. But these weren't just any jeans. These were the skin-tight-showed-off-every-curve-in-the-right-way jeans that he'd begged her to buy while they were still dating and she'd dragged him to the mall with her. She'd tried them on just to tease him at first, but after seeing the way he reacted to her in them (and the make out session they'd had in the dressing room) she bought them. The only time that she'd worn them since was only on a couple of dates they'd had, and most of those dates ended well. _Very well_, he thought to himself with a smirk.

That wasn't all, though. Not only did she have on the awesome jeans, but she paired it with a form-fitting black tank top which she covered with a super-soft looking gray sweater. A thin, gold belt cinched the sweater around her small waist. She had styled her hair in a natural kind of way that allowed it to curl a little more than usual. It reminded him of the way it sometimes looked after their dates that would end well when she wore the awesome jeans. Which, today, were tucked into a pair of black heeled leather boots that came about an inch below her knee. He'd never seen those boots before, but he soon had them committed to memory.

Not only did she have a knockout outfit on, but the way she was leaning over the piano made the jeans enhance all the right curves. He licked his lips and let his mind wander to thinking about walking up to her, attacking her neck with a kiss in the spot that made her weak, grabbing her hips …

He cleared his throat and averted his gaze when she caught him staring.

_I'm such a douche sometimes_, he thought. _But did she have to wear those today? And the boots? And … cool it, Finn. If you keep it up, you might actually have to hit a mailman._

She regained proper poise in front of the piano as she cleared her own throat. The rest of the club had made it to their seats when Mr. Schuester stood in front of Rachel to speak to the class.

"Alright everyone. We're continuing with this week's assignment with a performance from Rachel. Show us what ya got!" he said as he took his seat.

* * *

Rachel took a deep breath before she began to sing. She'd thought for a split second about running out of the room, but it was too late now. She had to do this.

_I still remember the look on your face  
__Lit through the darkness at 1:58  
__The words that you whispered  
For just us to know  
You told me you loved me  
So why did you go away  
Away_

Her fathers had gone away for a weekend on business during the summer. Finn had told his parents that he was going to spend the night at Artie's when he'd actually spent the night at Rachel's. After watching a couple of movies, they cuddled in her bed talking into the early morning. The topics ranged from things as menial as how to properly separate laundry to bigger topics such as their life together after high school. He'd told her that no matter what, he loved her and that he would always love her. She had kissed him and she had fallen asleep in his arms shortly after that.

_I do recall now the smell of the rain  
Fresh on the pavement  
I ran off the plane  
That July 9th  
The beat of your heart  
It jumps through your shirt  
I can still feel your arms_

Her dads had taken her on a three-week-long vacation to New York. It had been a long time for them to spend apart, but Finn had met her at the airport with a big bouquet of flowers when she returned. He had scooped her up in his arms the minute he saw her and she smothered his face in kisses. In that moment she felt like she had just stepped out of a war-era movie when the soldier finally gets to be with his love, only this wasn't a script. It was her life, and, somehow, it had been perfect. She kept a picture on her desk of them at the airport smiling like crazy from that day. It was one of her favorite pictures of them.

_But now I'll go sit on the floor  
Wearing your clothes  
All that I know is I don't know  
__How to be something you miss  
Never thought we'd have a last kiss  
Never imagined we'd end like this  
Your name, forever the name on my lips_

In the days after the breakup, she was cleaning and came across an old McKinley t-shirt that Finn had left in her room. She had smiled when she picked it up, thinking of what Finn had told her when he left it.

"So that I can have clothes here so I don't have to do a walk of shame one day," he'd told her with a wink. Even though he had spent the night at her house a couple of times when her dads weren't home, they'd never took that last step of intimacy in their relationship. Rachel wasn't sure if she were happy about that or not. Either way, she wore the shirt to bed the night after she found it simply because it still smelled like him. Little did he know it was now covered in mascara stains from her crying into it.

She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes now and the hollowness in her chest growing as she sang. She told herself that she needed to keep it together, and to do so she avoided looking at Finn at all costs.

_I do remember  
The swing in your step  
The life of the party, you're showing off again  
And I roll my eyes and then you pull me in  
I'm not much for dancing but for you I did  
Because I love your handshake  
Meeting my father  
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets  
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something  
There's not a day when I don't miss those rude interruptions_

The night that he's met her dads was the night before a glee party at Mercedes' house. He was nervous, but with a little encouragement from her he'd made it through. At the party he was cracking jokes with the other guys and soon he'd become the center of attention. He walked into the kitchen to get something to drink and found her there alone. She was annoyed with him and had started to go off about him ignoring her earlier in the night when she turned around to face him. He cut her off mid-sentence and kissed her wholeheartedly, passionately. He didn't stop until twenty minutes later when the rest of the club came in and caught her perched on the counter with Finn's hands on her waist and her legs wrapped around him. She didn't accused him of neglecting her for the rest of the night.

_But now I'll go sit on the floor  
__Wearing your clothes  
All that I know is I don't know  
__How to be something you miss  
Never thought we'd have a last kiss  
Never imagined we'd end like this  
Your name, forever the name on my lips_

She repeated the chorus and finally found the nerve to look at him. He wasn't looking at her, but was staring at the floor with glassy eyes. His lips were pursed together and she couldn't tell if he were mad or upset. To keep herself from crying, she closed her eyes and pushed through the rest of the song.

_So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep  
And I'll feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe  
And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are  
Hope it's nice where you are  
And I hope the sun shines  
And it's a beautiful day  
And something reminds you  
You wish you had stayed  
You can plan for a change in weather and town  
But I never planned on you changing your mind_

She opened her eyes and she realized he was staring at her. She looked into his dark eyes as everyone and everything else faded away. She was singing to him, only him, and she wanted him to feel exactly what she was trying to say.

_So I'll go sit on the floor  
Wearing your clothes  
All that I know is that I don't know  
__How to be something you miss  
Never thought we'd have a last kiss  
Never imagined we'd end like this  
Your name, forever the name on my lips  
Just like our last kiss  
Forever the name on my lips  
Forever the name on my lips  
Just like our last …_

… she let the words trail as she came back to reality when the music ended. Everyone was staring at her and she felt the uneasiness in the air. Finn had returned his gaze to the floor with a hollow look. In a slight case of shock, she looked around and managed to give a half-hearted smile before she took her seat next to Mercedes. As she sat down, she looked around and again her and Finn's eyes met. He looked at her and she smiled at him. He didn't respond to her, and instead asked Mr. Schuester if he could be excused. The smile quickly left her face. Without asking, she stormed out of the room after him with everyone watching.


	4. Ch 4: Confrontations & Lip Gloss

A/N: Hello again! As always, I own nothing, yadda yadda.

* * *

She had to admit, she wasn't used to seeing him this way. She'd always considered herself to be the dramatic one. She had expected a reaction, but the way he'd made a beeline out of the choir room alarmed her. And the look on his face… she'd never seen him like that. She looked frantically for him until she found in sitting in a corner of the weight room with his earphones in his ears. She doubted that he noticed her, since he was still tapping his foot and mimicking drum beats with his hands. He yanked the earphones out of his ears and clenched his jaw when he saw her and quickly turned his head the other way. She hesitated for a moment as she walked towards him, unsure if he wanted to see her. She approached him and sat on the floor next to him, despite her doubts of the floor's state of cleanliness. She brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them as she nodded towards the MP3 player he was holding.

"What were you listening to?" Rachel asked nervously.

"Pantera," Finn answered coolly, still avoiding her eyes.

_How could she do that song in front of everyone? Isn't it bad enough that she ran away from me the yesterday? In a way I guess I deserve it, I mean I did sort of do the same thing … but … hell. I just love her so much … how can we fix this? It still hurts so bad …_

_Why won't he look at me? What I did is no worse than what he did yesterday. Maybe I went too far talking about our last kiss… does he even remember it? He has to. We almost kissed yesterday afternoon … why didn't we? Oh yeah … 'he couldn't do it'. But why? Cannons … doesn't he want that for us? If he could go back to Quinn after everything that had happened last year, why can't he forgive me? Something's going on between them, but what? I'm not sure I want to know. I just want to fix us … but can we go back? No, we can't go back. But we can fix it, can't we? I just love him so much …_

"Why did you run out of glee?" she asked him. She had a million other questions, but she figured this one would suffice for now. He shrugged.

"Why did you run out yesterday?" his eyes finally met hers with a smirk. She looked at his face and studied it for a moment before answering. The eyes that had once glistened and that used to meet her with joy when she saw them now appeared to be lifeless and had dark circles surrounding them as if he hadn't slept well for weeks. It had been a while since she had studied them this closely. She remembered a time when she saw everything in those eyes … she still did.

"Touché," she said simply. Another period of silence passed before she spoke again, "Sorry about going off on you yesterday. I'm sure that you remember ho-"

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize, f'real," he interrupted. He peered up at her to see the surprised look on her face and a small laugh escaped his lips.

"No, really. It's okay, Rach. In some ways I guess I kind of deserved that speech. I knew it would come eventually."

She didn't know what to say. Was he really saying what she thought he was saying? She had expected an all out brawl of a fight when she found him and was ready for that, but she wasn't going to complain with the civility that was taking place. She just didn't know how to react to it. Rachel sat there running her palms against her jeans nervously. She had so many questions … but was now the right time for _any_ of them? Her voice quivered with the next thing she spoke.

"The … the song you sang yesterday … it … you performed it well," that wasn't she'd wanted to say. This was all just so awkward. They may have shared a hug last week to try and overcome it, but it was still there.

"Rachel … why did you follow me?" he looked at her and she looked back at him, unsure of what to say. He could see her chocolate eyes become glassy as she turned her gazed back toward the floor. He'd asked the question, but he already knew the answer. They both did. It wasn't over between them, but they were both hurting too badly for things to be repaired right now.

"Why are you able to forgive Quinn but not me?" she broke the silence. He had expected that question at some point and he'd even asked it himself. He took a deep breath as he began to explain.

"Rachel, you don't get it. What she did, just on the surface was worse. She slept with my best friend and had his baby and let me think that I was the baby daddy. She let me deal with the worry and the sleepless nights and the mood swings and doctor bills while Puck didn't say a damn word. Yeah, it hurt. And it sucked. But underneath all of that hurt and pain I felt relieved, as insane as that sounds. Y'know why? It meant I could be with you and didn't have to worry about feeling like a douche for leaving the girl that I thought was having my baby. I could move on without that chain tying me down.

"But when you told me you kissed Puck … I didn't know what to do. It felt like my whole world had just come crashing down around me. I love … I loved you, Rachel. What Quinn did was worse, but the way it made me feel was nothing in compared to the pain I felt when I found what happened between you and Puck because I didn't love Quinn … but I loved you. And yeah, I was hurting. Truthfully I still am. I hate what's going on between us, but I'm not ready yet. It still hurts too bad. I still have too much to work through."

She sat there dumbfounded. She was hoping for an answer, and she got it, but it wasn't quite the one she had expected. _Loved _her … he didn't say he still did. _He hesitated, though … did he still? _Before she could say anything, he continued.

"And I'm not dumb, Rachel. I see how much stronger you're getting. I see the way you laugh at lunch with the other girls and I see how much independence you're gaining. You think I don't pay attention, but I do. Being with me would just hold you back. I've held you back enough … I can't do that to you. I can't let you need me like that."

_He can't let me need him? Who the hell does he think he is? Since when does he think he knows what's best for me?_ She had to calm herself down before another outburst occurred.

"Finn … I may appear to be stronger and more independent, but you forget that I hope to spend my life on the stage," she said. He felt as if he'd been punched in the stomach. "When we broke up, I figured I would approach it as a role I had to play … you know … the girl that got stronger after her heart had been ripped from her chest. But the truth is, Finn, I've never felt so small. So alone. I may have friends around me, but I still don't have you." There were tears rolling down her cheeks when he finally looked back to her. He knew exactly how she felt. Finn felt a solitary tear fall down his face.

"Rachel …" it was all that he was able to mutter. Why did it have to come to this? He loved her too damn much. He pulled her close as she began to sob. He'd wanted to protect her through all of this, but what he realized was that he was just making things worse. He realized that what hurt more than her kissing Puck was being apart from her. He placed his hand on her head and nestled his own head into her neck. He'd missed this. He tried to choke back his own sobs, but there were still a few tears that refused to be tamed. He lifted his head and rested it on top of hers as she continued to sob into his chest. He ran his hand through her hair and tried his best to comfort her without saying anything except her name and telling her it would be alright between hushes as he held her close with his other hand. She raised her head from his chest and sniffed before apologizing for the outburst. She stood up quickly and he stumbled to get up and go after her. She turned around and looked at him with tears still in her eyes.

"I… I'm sorry. I should've never … I'm just sorry that happened, okay?" she turned to leave when he called out to her.

"Rachel!" He ran to catch up to her and placed his fingertips under her chin so she was looking up at him.

"For what it's worth, I never thought we'd have a last kiss, either."

He gave her a half-smile as a consolation before turning to walk away. Rachel took in a deep breath and stormed toward him.

"Finn," she grabbed his hand and he turned around in surprise. "It doesn't have to be like this, y'know."

"I know. And that's what makes it so hard. I care about you Rachel, I do. But it's best that it ends this way. You're destined for so much more than what me or this town could ever give you. Don't you see that, Ra-"

She cut him off with a kiss before he could continue. He felt the cannons, sure, but it's quickly overtaken by thoughts of Puck hovering over her, kissing her lips and running his hands through her hair … he was unable to deal with the imagery in his head. He was furious and pulled away with a growl.

"Rachel, can't you see we can't keep doing this? I want things to be okay between us, but I just, I can't get the image of you and Puck out of my head. Every time I see you I want to make things right, but Rachel I can't get past him being with you. Even if I were, it would only be a matter of time before you'd leave for New York and then where would we be? My grades aren't good enough to go to New York with you and even if they were the money I would get from my dad's military service wouldn't be able to pay the out-of-state tuition. We'd have to break up sooner or later, Rachel. I'm not going to hold you back from your dreams. It's best that it ended now. At least this way we can work on being friends and enjoy the time we have left." He looked at her, his eyes becoming watery yet again, finally telling her what he'd wanted to say for so long. He didn't want to be this emotional. Actually, he'd _never_ been this emotional.

"The same way I can't get the image of you and Santana out of my head? Finn, look at me. I love you. Okay? Do you think that this is easy for me, to see you live your life and to pretend like we were never together? Look, I know that you and Quinn are back together. If that's what you want, and if you're truly happy, then fine. But don't go to her just to get back at me. And what you don't realize, Finn Hudson, is that you never held me back. You never will, okay? We both know that I'm too headstrong for that to happen. If anything, Finn, you've been my greatest motivator and the one person that's always encouraged me when everyone else was trying to throw me offstage and you know it. Finn … what we had was real. What we _have _is real. I know that you're afraid of losing your popularity. I get it. But at some point you're going to have to ask yourself which is more important- your relationships or your reputation."

He winced, thinking back to a time when he'd told her the same thing about her own reputation after the train wreck that was _Run Joey Run_. And how did she know about his relationship with Quinn? It didn't matter. He knew she was right- it's always been real between them. Was he happy with Quinn? He thought he was until he kissed Rachel. Or did Rachel kiss him? He couldn't remember. But he knew that nothing compared to the way that he felt when he and Rachel were together.

"How did you know about me and Quinn?" This time it was Rachel that winced. Quinn had told her, but she refused to believe it until she heard it from him. She shook her head and put her hand to her forehead before turning to leave. He gently took hold of her arm and turned her so that she was facing him before taking both of her hands in his. She refused to look at him, looking away as her eyes became glassy yet again. He didn't want her to find out, knowing that she wouldn't take the news well. How could he screw her up so much? He felt like the jackass he'd accused Jesse of being a year ago. He swore to himself then that he'd never do that to her, and here he was breaking her yet again. _Way to go, Hudson_, he told himself.

"Look, when we broke up, I was a mess. Maybe I still am. She was there and, well, it just sort of happened. But what I feel for Quinn …," they were staring into each others eyes as he continued, "what I feel for Quinn, felt for Quinn, is nothing to what I feel for you. Which is why it's so complicated. Hell, Rach, if I had the words for it, I'd explain it. But I can't, which is why I need time."

She separated one of her hands from his to slide a rebellious strand of hair behind her ear and slowly began walking down the hallway, avoiding the choir room where they would surely be seen.

"So are you saying that you and Quinn aren't together anymore?" She asked, the hope and quiver in her voice not going unnoticed by the tall boy still holding one of her hands.

"I don't know. We were, are, I guess. But Quinn's just so obsessed with prom that I'm beginning to wonder if that's all she wants me for." Her heart sank to hear that they were still together. She wasn't sure what was happening between them, but she wasn't going to let go of his hand until she had to. It felt too good to be able to touch him like this and she wasn't going to let it go that easily.

"What clued you into that, the posters she's been hanging around the school or her constant communication with the prom committee?"

"Wait, she has posters made?" The expression on his face made it obvious that he had no clue what she was talking about and Rachel was surprised at his reaction. On second thought, it wasn't that surprising. The majority of the posters were in the girls' restrooms. She picked up the pace in her step and he followed her, still puzzled.

"Wait, Rach, I can't -" but it was too late. She'd pulled him into the closest restroom and pointed to the sign before speaking to him with a certain attitude to her tone.

"You mean you had no part in making that poster?" He gazed at it in shock.

"_Fuinn for the win… The popular choice for prom king and queen_? What the hell? I swear to you, Rachel, I've never seen that before in my life. How dare she do something as … as _bitchy_ as that! I am so sorry Rachel, I'd never do anything like that because I know how much that would hurt you. I'd never do anything to hurt you …" his voice trailed as he turned to look at her. Her eyes met his, and for a brief moment they forgot that they were both standing in the girls' bathroom. He stepped towards her, closing the distance between them. Her breath caught in her throat as he slowly leaned in towards her, unsure of what he was about to do. He paused for a moment to breathe her in. Her soft vanilla perfume resonated in his memory, taking him back to a time when they were happy in each other's arms. He grazed his left hand across her right arm and she looked to his hand in surprise. His right hand moved slowly and found its place softly behind her neck as he pulled her in. He kissed her softly, smiling that he still recognized the flavor of her lip gloss. Quinn had worn the same stuff a couple of times, and when he kissed Quinn and tasted it his lips could only long for Rachel's. Thankful that he didn't have to long for them anymore, he pulled her in closer and deepened the kiss, determined to let her know that his feelings for her hadn't changed.

She had dreamed of this moment ever since they had broken up. Granted, not in the girls' bathroom, but she couldn't believe what was taking place. _He_ had kissed _her._ She felt the kiss becoming more passionate as he pulled her in closer. It was when she felt their hips pressing against one another that she pulled away. His lips had tried to follow hers and his face was flushed. His breathing was heavy and looked confused as she walked out into the hallway. He followed her and faced her when she turned to speak.

"Finn, I can't do this … as much as I want to be with you, I can't be the other woman. I can't sit around hoping you'll come back to me when you're with her. If you really want to fix us, then figure out what you want. I've come too far to be sidetracked by a kiss. You're still a mess, Finn. Don't you see that? I care about you, and I wouldn't say it unless I thought you needed to hear it, but you really need to get your priorities figured out. If you want you and I to work this, this thing out then you and I both know what you need to do." She stared at him with such a determined look on her face, even though her cheeks were still flushed from their earlier encounter.

He stood there taking it all in. It hurt, but he knew that she was right. He was still a mess. How had it come to this point? He didn't know, but he knew that he had to get himself straightened up before he tried to fix anything between him and Rachel. He'd charged ahead with a relationship with Quinn without even thinking. Quinn had initiated it and he just went along with it without resistance. She'd caught him off guard with a pretty smile and firework kisses and hadn't been able to look past the façade that she so cleverly put up. She'd fooled him again. His thoughts were interrupted yet again by Rachel's small voice.

"Look, I know all of this has happened fast. Just … just … I'll see you in Glee tomorrow, okay?" She stood on her tip toes and put her hands on his shoulders. She gave him a peck on the cheek and let her eyes linger looking into his as she pulled away, her hands gliding down his arms before taking hold of his hands. It was obvious to both of them that neither one of them wanted to leave the other's company. It was a hard blow to both of them, but they both knew that now was not the time for their reconciliation to take place. They had gotten over the confrontation that each of them were dreading and now they could each focus on what needed to be focused on. For him, it was trying to figure out how he'd gotten to the point of being with someone he didn't love and getting over the hurt that he felt for the person he did. For her, it was trying to regain the fearless strength that she'd once had while still being head-over-heels for the boy that had stolen her heart - no, that she'd given her heart to - and making up for her past mistakes. She gave him a knowing smile as she squeezed his hands. Unwilling to let go, he kept his left hand in her right as they walked toward the exit of the school and didn't let go until they got to the door.

"See you tomorrow," she said meekly.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow."

And with that, she walked out into the coolness of early spring, the wind blowing her hair into her face. He smiled to himself as she gave the invisible wind an evil look and tried to tame the hair that blocked her view. He didn't know when or how, but he knew that he had to make things right … that they had to make things right. It wouldn't be an easy road, but he told himself that it would be worth it. And the great thing about it? He didn't feel the need to convince himself- he _knew_ that they would be okay.

"What are you looking at?" a voice from behind said as it startled him out of his dream state. He turned to see Quinn rounding the corner from another hallway as she made her way towards him.

"Oh, hey Quinn. I was just, ah, looking outside at the wind. It's really blowing hard today," he said as he turned around to ensure that Rachel was no longer in view. Things didn't need to get any more complicated than what they already were. The blonde nodded her head and gave him a quick kiss. She took his hand and walked out with him, pulling herself closer to him in the brisk wind.

She looked up to the dark haired boy holding her hand and sighed, noticing the redness and distance in his eyes as she licked her lips walking with him through the parking lot. She couldn't be sure, but she thought she tasted lip gloss … and not the peach kind that she had worn that day. She knew that he wasn't fully over her. _Give it time_, she told herself, _give it time_. _He'll forget about her once she goes off to Broadway or wherever, and then Finn and I can be the king and queen of Lima again_. She didn't really believe it, but it did give her enough comfort to move his hand to her shoulders as she hugged herself closer to him in the cool spring air. Unfortunately, it was short-lived as she felt his uneasiness in his embrace.

* * *

A/N: So what did you think? I know it's lengthy, but I couldn't see anywhere that I could split it into two chapters and I didn't want it to be just a surface-level chapter. There's just so much that each of them are dealing with that they needed to talk about and I didn't want to skip over any of it. At any rate, please review and let me know what you think! It feeds me muse and keeps writer's block at bay. :)


	5. Ch 5: Tethers & Truck Seats

**A/N: Thank you, thank you, and thank you to those of you that have been patient while waiting for me to update! I truly apologize for the long absence. This is a short chapter, but I wanted to set the stage for what's to come. Again, thank you! I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Dang it.**

* * *

A lot had happened in the weeks since he'd kissed Rachel. She had avoided him, but had become more aggressive at the same time. Quinn had noticed that something was going on between them and had tried to keep them apart as much as possible, especially after he'd told Rachel she was beautiful. Yeah, saying that in front of his girlfriend probably wasn't his smartest move. What else was he supposed to do? He couldn't bear the thought of her altering her beautiful face, and he knew that his opinion was the one that mattered to her most. He also couldn't help but to jump at the chance to go on a stakeout with her. Truthfully it was more a matter of pride than of the heart when it came to the prospect of Quinn cheating on him. He had asked her about karma and couldn't stop thinking about what she'd said. Kurt had thrown the word around enough to make him remember it. He couldn't help but still smell her perfume in his truck after he dropped her off and couldn't get the image out of his head as she sang to him. It probably wasn't a bright idea to punch Jesse St. Jerkface at prom either, but he'd had enough. Everything that was wrong between he and Rachel had started when that … that thing had entered Rachel's life. It was because of him that he and Rachel had talked about losing their virginity and making Rachel jealous had triggered him to take Santana up on her offer. And because of that stupid mistake, he would live with the consequences for the rest of his life. He was seething when he saw Jesse with Rachel at prom, and he could tell that Rachel wasn't comfortable with his advances. You protect those you love, right? He still hadn't broken up with Quinn, mainly because he was afraid that Quinn would try to take it out on Rachel. But what was he really afraid of? Quinn was only a person. A person with a dark side. A scary side. And Rachel was fragile and easily hurt. Or was she? She'd changed so much in front of him that he wasn't even sure if she was the same Rachel he knew six months ago. Six months … had it really been that long? It had to be done, though. If he was ever going to make things right with Rachel, he had to break up with Quinn.

The funeral had been the turning point for him and it helped him to gain the strength he needed to finally do it. Sure, his timing sucked. But what Sue had said about being tethered to someone … it was the explanation that he'd been looking for all along. Though he and Rachel had been apart, they had never really let go of each other. As he sat in his truck waiting for Quinn, he braced himself for the blowout that was to be the breakup.

She got into the truck and told him that she was proud of him and the way he and Kurt had handled the funeral. He kept his eyes forward, knowing that if he looked at her he might lose his nerve.

"I'm breaking up with you." he blurted out. He tried to explain it to her, about being tethered to Rachel and how he never should've tried to fix things between them, but she wouldn't have it. She started talking about being okay with his confusion and being prom queen and king next year … was she being serious? He had never been more sure of anything in his life than about his feelings for Rachel and the need to end things with the blond occupying Rachel's seat.

"Don't you feel anything anymore?" He saw the tears begin to fall on her cheeks and tried to fix it by saying that he loved her, which left the worst taste in his mouth imaginable. She replied with words he didn't take the time to hear and an abrupt door slam in his face. He turned to face forward in time to see Rachel walk out with Sam. Glad that Quinn was finally out of the picture, he knew what he had to do next.

It was time to get Rachel back.

* * *

**Thanks for reading, and don't forget to review! :)**


	6. Ch 6: Furt Session

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

It had taken him a long time to think of a way to ask Rachel out. He wanted to use flowers since she loved them, but he didn't know what to get her. He remembered Kurt talking about flowers having meaning once, but he wasn't really paying attention. The mulling in his mind had kept him awake most of the night and so he decided to get up for a glass of milk. He was a bit surprised to see Kurt glued to the television with a bowl of popcorn in front of him and sipping on soda from a champagne glass.

"Kurt, what are you-" he was quickly shushed by the smaller boy waving his hand erratically in the air. Kurt sighed when whatever he was watching went to commercial and muted the television.

"What are you doing up?" Kurt asked suspiciously. He knew how solidly Finn slept and how hard it was for Finn to wake up, and so he was a bit surprised to see him awake that early.

"Just getting a glass of milk. Can I ask you a question real quick, though?" Finn didn't really feel like sharing that he'd been awake most of the night thinking about Rachel, but he figured it best to ask Kurt's opinion while he could. He continued when Kurt nodded. "Well, remember when you kept nag- I mean, talking about flower meanings for Mom and Burt's wedding? Well, I wanna get Rachel a flower, or flowers, but I don't know what kind to get her."

"Well, how do you feel when you're around her?"

"I dunno … just… perfect. It's like life may be crazy all around me, but when I'm with her it's just happy and I don't have to stress about if I'm doing or saying the right thing. Like I love being with her." Finn replied, leaning over the couch.

"Well, considering that prom eliminated any type of budget you may have had for a dozen red roses, how about pink tulips?"

"Well, what do they mean?"

"Perfect happiness."

He thought about it for a while. Perfect happiness. That was probably the best way he knew how to describe it. Plus, his mom had a bunch of pink tulips in the backyard, so it would be super easy (and not to mention cheap) to get one.

"Finn, could you bring me my notebook from the kitchen table? I'm taking notes on the fashion, since anything that's worn is almost sure to be the next big craze in the couture lines." Kurt asked, his eyes never leaving the TV screen as he increased the volume. Finn could hear Kurt mumbling and couldn't help but smirk at his brother's comment as he made his way into the kitchen. "Oh my, Pippa's dress is gorgeous. I have to find out who the designer is and write him a letter of appreciation immediately."

Finn grabbed the notebook after getting his glass of milk and handed it to his brother as requested. He stared at the screen for a while, trying to figure out what the big deal was about whatever he was watching. And to try to figure out what the crap were on the women's heads.

"What the hell are those?" motioning to the screen.

"Those are hats, Finn. And for your information, that's Princess Eugenie and Princess Beatrice, the Queen's granddaughters. And I must admit, those hats are pretty hideous," he giggled, before continuing. "And could you please move aside? You're blocking the screen."

Finn shrugged and plopped down on the couch next to Kurt. His mind was racing too much to be able to fall asleep anyway, so why not?

After what seemed like an eternity and after the bridal party went to a back room of the church, Kurt sighed and muted the television. He sensed Finn's uneasiness and decided it was time for a Furt session.

"So are you going to go into a word vomit session of what you're thinking or do I have to drag it out of you? … Finn!"

Finn jumped at the sound of his name. He'd been so lost in thought about his plan that he hadn't even noticed that Kurt had muted the TV again. "What? Oh. I wasn't paying attention."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Obviously. So what's the plan? Do you have one yet? Or are you just going to wing it, the way you did before Regionals last year?"

Last year … had it really been that long ago since he first told her he loved her?

"That's what I'm thinking about. You know how she always goes into the auditorium during lunch to rehearse? Well, I thought I'd sneak up on her, y'know? And give her the perfect happiness flower and explain that's how I feel about her, and that we've always been tethered, and that I feel like I'm falling into a dark hole without her. And then say that I was a complete douche for ever going back to Quinn and that it was a stupid mistake, and that I felt like the douchiest person of all for making her feel so bad, and how bad it hurt me to see her hurting, and that the whole time I was with Quinn I just felt numb because I wasn't with her…"

"Woah, woah, Finn. Are you sure twenty minutes is going to be long enough for everything you want to say? Don't get me wrong, I think all of that's great, but make sure that you can get all of that in before we have to go back to class."

"Yeah, well. Rachel's just really special and I want her to know that." Finn moved his blank stare at the coffee table to look his brother in the eyes. "She's everything I never knew I wanted."

At this, Kurt placed a hand on his chest. "Oh my, this is serious. Maybe I should be making notes for your and Rachel's wedding." The touching moment quickly ended when Finn gave him a frightened stare. "I didn't mean it literally, Finn, calm down. It's not like I expect you to propose tomorrow. And your plan sounds perfect. Just make sure you give her time to respond, okay?"

Finn smiled. "Okay."

"Oh! They're making there way out of the church!" And with that, Kurt's attention reverted back to the festivities as he turned the volume back up.

"Who is that, anyway?" Finn asked. The bride was pretty enough- her hair was long and dark like Rachel's. The groom, however, reminded him of a nutcracker that his grandma kept on her mantle at Christmas time. The big teeth painted on the thing had always freaked him out as a kid, and this guy had such a close resemblance it was almost scary. Kurt gasped.

"In the name of all things Prada, are you serious, Finn? That's Prince William and Kate Middleton. Or, as they're now known, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. The guy that looks like the character in the _Santa Claus is Coming to Town _movie is Prince Harry." He replied, reading Finn's mind. Finn simply nodded in understanding as he yawned. Now that he had a plan to get Rachel back, his mind was more at ease and he could hear his bed calling his name.

"Look man, as interesting as this royal wedding stuff is, Imma go back to bed. I need to get some sleep and try to plan out my talk with Rachel."

"Yes, I'm sure that the two of you have a lot of catching up to do. Remind me to go to Mercedes' if Rachel comes over any time soon." Kurt dodged the pillow Finn threw at his head, catching it and placing it neatly back on the couch.

"Very funny. G'night, Porcelain," Finn joked as he made his way toward the steps.

"G'night, Frankenteen," Kurt said with a wave of his hand.

_Yup_, Finn thought, _this is going to be epic_. After all this time, he and Rachel will finally get it right.

* * *

**A/N: Hello again! I hope that I didn't offend anyone with my references to the royal family, but we all know that they had to be explained in Finn-friendly terms. (Sorry if I did!) At any rate, I hope you're enjoying the story :) The next update probably won't be as quick, since life is beginning to be hectic again. Thanks so so much for the reviews, favorites, and alerts- they help to motivate me.**

**On a more random note, I realized while updating that I never gave credit for the songs used in the earlier chapters. Finn sang "What Do You Want" by Jerrod Neimann and Rachel sang "Last Kiss" by Taylor Swift. I own neither song, I just really enjoy them :)**


End file.
